Stupid people who think I'm beneath them...

First off, stupid people can be delightful. I will forever and absolutely love Joey from high school for believing that M&Ms expand in your stomach and if you eat too many you can die, and also for lacking the math skills necessary to buy drugs.

But I really get annoyed by idiots that think they are the shiny penny.

The people who keep explaining things to me that I already grasp, when they are SO missing the point.

Just like slutty-girl in the 7th grade lunch line, who gasped and said, "Like, you are in THAT class? I thought you, were like, in the OTHER special ed, with like, retards."

Slutty-girl was very helpful. She made me realize that many of my perfectly intelligent sentences were actually mistaken for nonsense by those in the genetic kiddie-pool.

But I still have this problem with adults, all these years later.

I am not sure what to do with it sometimes because I find the motivations of people to be strange. What is the point of someone talking to me if all they want to do is act like everything is going over my head and I should tremble in awe of their superior mediocrity??? Seriously? WHY? They have self-esteem issues and need to pretend they are smart?

I don't get it. It really bothers me when I don't know why people are messing with me. I just can't see the point and it stresses me out. I want to solve the puzzle of it.

I also get into trouble because I assume OTHER people are secretly smart, since I get misjudged so often. Sadly, this is not usually the case, but I get tangled up in a lot of paranoia before I figure that out...

Me vs. All There Is To Say

This could possibly also be thought of as Aspie vs NT, but I don't know that for sure, so For Sure is is just the blog title for today.

ME: fish fish dead fish. gaping eyed. dead breath fish. image slam: hook lip jerk, head crash fill impotent sensless repeat repeat reap eat repeat. struggling shocked fish. fading glassy eye slap. sloe death. flap. flap. gasping trap. sir, i believe he's been struck in the eye with a mackrel. blink open reality, things are ALWAYS REPEAT. reap what you eat. beefit's what's for dinner? fish.

All there is to Say/Explain out loud: I feel hurt.

My head is filled with nonsense. You cannot come in. I am so tired. English is not enough.

Executive dysfunction

Really Amanda, i thought you possessed better powers of observation than this.

i KNOW!!! i'm retarded.

grrr. we have been aware of AS for 5 months now. have read the term executive dysfunction. have even googled it before and skimmed some deffinitions... but it wasn't until just now, when i read the term in conjunction with MOTIVATION that i really paid attention.

sigh.

of course, it might also be that i have walked into the kitchen over 20 times today: thought about how my stomach is growling. that i feel hungry. seen that there are no clean pans. thought about pizza. thought about washing a pan. stomach growls again. i walk out of the kitchen. repeat. repeat. repeat.

i swear i would starve to death without intervention.

i don't know. i don't want to take medication. and i hate psychologists. i don't know if anything could really help me anyway... :( but i wish there was a good neuropsychologist nearby that had actually heard of AS so that i could at least ask.