i don't have a very large music repertoire. when i like something, i listen to it for months sometimes... so the same few songs can keep me interested for years.
today is sage francis on repeat.
mental-music-video, over and over... that haunting melody of sea-lion, that so captures that trudging numbness i hear all the time, the what? huh? why-should-singer-care part that i just want to lie down and drown in, that takes so much effort to pull away from.
building the same sand-castle over and over. watching it melt into the sea over and over. firing into the sand, nothing tangible to shoot down...
so many times i have heard it... and the girl's voice at the beginning still startles me sometimes, it sounds to me so like my own, i'm always disconcerted. how did i get into the song? wait. where am i? who is where and which is real...
my wooden arms are too tired to pull off the armor. too tired to remember why i should care. but Being only among songs is not where i want to BE, only where i am.
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