A letter I wrote in my head, the kind of letter you can't really give to the person

Hello,

I don't know you. We aren't friends. But when people catch my attention, I start to talk to them in my head, and so this conversation is for you, even if it isn't. (You).

I was prepared to dislike you immensely because your file says you are mean to cats. But then I remembered that just because a person was mean to a cat one time in their life, it does not mean that forever and ever their name in the universe has to be PERSON-WHO-IS-MEAN-TO-CATS. Partly because that is a really ridiculously long name, but mostly because a person is a lot more complicated than just one action they did that one time, or even 50 times, or 500. Amanda is much more complex than that. So I figure you probably are too.

I am now 33 years old. When I was your age, I also broke down doors in screaming fits of rage. Afterwards, I was also mostly only inconvienced by the fact that the doors did not shut properly afterward. I thought doctors were supposed to help people, so I kept going to doctors for help. I went to a LOT of different doctors and I was given dozens of different labels and dozens of different pills.

And I will tell you a secret or two.

Lesson One:

Most people are mad. Completely Stark-Raving-Drooling-Bonkers-With-A-Cherry-on-Top MAD.

This is easy to notice but hard for you to BELIEVE. I mean, what are the odds of that? Statistically? You start off as a kid, and so you expect your parents and teachers and doctors, and all the grown-ups around you to, you know, like, actually know more things than you do. They ought to know more things because they have been around on Earth longer. As a new little alien earthling, you listen to them. They tell you that you are the crazy one, so you try very hard to fix that. There are a lot of sad and angry parts that happen next, but I will skip ahead to this...

Here is a very important statistics lesson that you learn:

If one million people claim a stupid thing, it does not change the fact that it is a stupid thing.

You are an unlikely Odd in the Universe. You are like that Columbus guy who said something like, "Hey, I do not care that all the people in the world say the Earth is flat. I am pretty sure that these Loony-tunes do not know what they are talking about. So instead of just blindly following these other cretins, I think I shall just go and find out for myself what is and isn't so."

This turns out to be an excellent decision. However, it is still a long journey. You make a lot of mistakes and bad decisions. You have to work out how to actually accomplish "finding out for yourself" by trial and error, and that can be hard to do when you feel all alone, and when everyone you know is arguing with you. I will skip backwards to another part...

From my perspective, it was like people were jabbing me with hot pokers and i was SCREAMING because, like, um, OW. hot pokers hurt.

And these doctors were filled with empty language like, "will identify triggers."

And I thought-- Identify my triggers? Easy. People keep jabbing me with hot pokers. Duh.

But their perspective seemed to me to be something like, "we will judge amanda as having shown progress when we can jam a hot poker into her eye and she will curtsy and say please and thank-you in response."

And i realized the world is mad. the world is run by people who are absolutely mad and never really LOOK at anything.

and i decided, i did not want to be mad anymore.

i decided i would get out of the cycle of madness.

i knew somewhere deep in my heart that all the answers (for me) would be found in stories. so i read. i read and read and read and read. i searched. i choked books down desperately. and i found people who echoed what i could see. i found authors who wrote words like:

 “You have a morbid aversion to dying. You probably resent the fact that you're at war and might get your head blown off any second." 

"I more than resent it, sir. I'm absolutely incensed." 

"You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs, or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate." 

"Consciously, sir, consciously," Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. "I hate them consciously." 

"You're antagonistic to the idea of being robbed, exploited, degraded, humiliated, or deceived. Misery depresses you. Ignorance depresses you. Persecution depresses you. Violence depresses you. Corruption depresses you. You know, it wouldn't surprise me if you're a manic-depressive!" 

"Yes, sir. Perhaps I am." 

"Don't try to deny it." 

"I'm not denying it, sir," said Yossarian, pleased with the miraculous rapport that finally existed between them. "I agree with all you've said.” 

(Joseph Heller, Catch-22)

And i saw my own story in the story of others, and i found many other books that made me shriek, "THAT'S IT!!!! THAT'S IT!!!"

And that was my salvation- discovering that i was not alone.

So I want you to know, that even if my story is not exactly your story, YOU ARE NOT ALONE EITHER.

Your story is out there. And so, if you can not put yourself into words yet, it might help you to find the words of others that you can identify with.

And once you find words you identify with, FIND OUT WHY.

This part, is pretty important. If you don't ever ask WHY, you might just sit in your room for a million years humming a sad song. Sometimes, humming a sad song is perfectly ok. Sometimes, you are in a moment where you really need to feel the sadness of yourself echoed in someone else, because that can help you realize the whole, "YOU ARE NOT ALONE" thing. Just don't sing that song for too long. If you want to BE balanced, you have to CREATE balance. And so, sad songs are healthy as long as you are finding and identifying songs and stories that make you resonate with joy and hope and purpose too.

But. Back to Hot pokers.

Lesson Two:

How do I FORCE these idiotic people to see that they are CRAZY STUPID and MAD!!!??

You can't FORCE people to see or do anything. Move on.

Lesson Two and A Half:

Well, gee, thanks, that's super NOT helpful. WHAT THE HECK DO I DO THEN!!!???

Well, if you get all the way Here, then Here is When you come to a Crossroads. This is where some people become serial killers, or alcoholics, or descend into other kinds of darkness, because it is VERY VERY VERY DIFFICULT to let go of that impulse to FORCE-PEOPLE-TO-SEE!!!!!!

Here is the short answer to Lesson 2 & 1/2:

Decide what it is that you actually, SPECIFICALLY, want to do. Figure out what, SPECIFICALLY, is stopping that from happening. Be. very. very. very. SPECIFIC. 

Sigh. I am not technological. I tried to comment but Ravenous U-snakey-Tube will not take it....

Anyway. You just tried to put this under, "The Important Book" but were not now allowed.

Today the Now-day-too-day-now-- You noticed again where these X marks jink...

1. Philo T. Farnsworth... Me... Distant Vision... Elma G. Farnsworth's Book is sub-titled "Romance and Discovery on an Invisible Frontier"...and the 5 more extra hijinky winks in just THAT... oh yeah, I recall when I said I wanted to be a very different kind of pioneer, because duh, all the pioneers in all the Every Heres are Always New...

2. The rainbow spider.

3. You are a bit disturbed by your Seer-pony-baby-self drawing out the MEDUSA part of the horse... and recall how much more smart and close you were X'ed at That When? You got to the "how to invent television" right quick, decided to skip the math, and get to the obvious... rainbows. break the walls, walls are only good for the solid, so that there is something to Force the Rainbows THROUGH. Reflect.

4. Did you get that watermelon out of the Cat yet?

5. No? Well, did you KNOCK-KNOCK joke the F out of YOU Yet? Because don't forget you proclaimed you will Knock the F out of all of the People who get in the WAY of your VISION, because when they do it WRONG, that is the When the spider Eats the rainbow. And that Skittle bit need to go in the RIGHT WAY SIDE UP RIGHT.

So, it might be pretty important to Knock the F out of people who have power and influence, sign. Sign. Since they are not listening to Molly Grue... Well. I'm sorry, but you Were Going the Wrong Way...

Am&a'sTodayNowToday

I could really use some help with my own song. Sign. 

1. (Note to Self : Amanda, I love you.)
2. (You love I, Amanda : Self to Note.)

Ok. So noted. But can we get back to that q-tip-pen-of a tippy toe?

Oh, first, go back, and more intro...

Start-Into-2:40pm 4.12.2012.

Amanda, you woke up a few minutes ago. This is a note to yourself, all slopped out hap-py-hazard, so you can go back later and get this all sorted right into some sort of sembelence.

And today, the sort is just all-- Remembered rememberence...

Bleh. And today is only 4 minutes or so later, and Garret called, so you were curious to see if that was important... so... you asked, Hello? Do you want something?

And Garret did not, he was just being sweet, and he just said that no he had just wanted to call and say that he loved you. And this was distracting, but yay for Garrets, so you really did try REAL hard to get the point, but, you were just like... um? Yes? How can I help you? And he got all huffy that you asked if he had any questions and you guys kinda got into a huffy-pout-snit at eeach other, but luckily you recalled, AMANDAJOY BE NICE!!!, which you are still a work in progress on, but you went so far at least today to take a deep breath and say, "I love you." I what I when has hoped was a sweet voice, and simply hung up...

Oh. Haha. Yeah, yeah Jax-s-to-s-position-s, Jack, I do see the more in that...

Anyway.

Ready as you'll ever be?

Great.

Ready aim fire then, carry on...

Let's return to last night... when Amanda Joy was thinking about the small baby math of it, some of which she doesn't know words for, so she makes some more up... and she tries to Recall where she has already been in the story, and where the Math got down to brass tacks last time...

= D - earth = A death of "undefind" places in Space =

Also, Earth + D = Both Death and Dearth and Ear and Earth'D and ... "The Train Never Arrived = The Train is ALWAYS arriving = Ding! Ding! Ding! is this your endstop? It's enough to make anyone a little Dingy from the form of the Dins. That is why id is so Humand to look back, because the SENSE is only found in the REFLECTION. Sometimes the story is about being obediant. Sometimes it is about looking back if you really really really do want to see the face of someone... but, be aware, that even though salt of the earth could be good, too much salt is appaerntly abd bad for somethings, like maybe mermaids, and maybe the ocean just needs MORE salt to get those poor little frozen stick-people out of the freezer. This calls for a cat who is lofty and high above his own station in life... where might I find such a mad-cap-cap'n-ahab-piratical-cat?! Thankfully, eXzacxtly pounced one up for me. I Ahoy I salute I pass by in the dark I call me the ring of 'Swish-my-Ell I you other lonely boats in the dark I do not recommen dt AVOIDING the Gaps, but I do reccommend MINDING them I do recomment KNOWING what is in them and I am working on knowing which bits are simply typos...

Phone again. Wait. I was too late... I missed a call from Greg. Hmmm. But this recalled me to my generic ringtone, which is a Distillers song...

Yeah. DIstillers.

Think a lot about trains and subways and "mind the Gap" being more than just a funny expression, but MORE too, DIvide and DIvisions and which spits are bad and which splits of the trains go to good places. There is no end to the train. It is not that...

This is a work in progress. This is a song unfinished. There is no end to the train.

There is no end to greatness... all those swirled off eddying currents? Well. When is sometimes Current.

First lesson to hold close to the chest... Learn : Play Dictionary.

DIg

DIrect

DIrector

DIscern

DIcernible

DImmed

DIdtinguish

DIversity

DIvide

DO, DID, DONE.

If Truth is not what you think...Well. There is probably MORE to the story.

Mind the Gap.

Yawn.

Come Back!

Death is just the stopendstop.

LOOK.

And place hold the spaces-right.

-stopendstop-s-top-end-s-top-

(Then you need more depth and dimension at this both-way bit-split, because you have to see both the spin and the still and the door and the stopper coming OPEN and the opening and the flip and the Top going OUT and staying, still, right, everywhere.)

See? No?

Hmmm. Well. LOOK at stopend some more maybe.

(Or just go look at a hopeful POP-tart wanting to get out of a Toaster.)

Split the watermelon open yet?

St____ d?

(Self who needs encouragement; Amanda Loves to Win. I will win. I will win. I will win. I will be happy SO HARD; I will Love Amanda set to Rights.)

Well. Heh. I certainly like to do Hard Things the Hard Way, Amanda who disliked Robert Frost because you were INSISTANT that you would prefer to take BOTH roads... but not so argued the teacher because the teacher said you can only pick one path and there is no going back and reetracting our own steps and do-overs, because apparently that teacher did know NOTHING about ANYTHING, like, and for example, how MOOT does Mean something worth fighting for, Moot is DEBATE, and Moot is NOT-irrelvant. Shh, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain... NO I WILL NOT SHUSH! DO NOT SHUSH ME YOU SNEAKY EYED TRICKSEE!!

Where is a lawnmower when you need one?

Bleh, I am too-tiny-small to interpret all this growing gramineous grass...

This is just for me. This is not prophetic for you. But this is the trick of the rhetoric. I believe in God, I believe in Me. Then, I just play, and look back at what I see. But my mess of a life unsorted into syn-taxed may NOT be the way for the You who later Looks Back.

This is the trick of may be letting it all be a mess and having faith in the form and then LOOK BACK and See... Oh. Yes. That's maybe where I was going with that,,,ing... 

Each re-write re-tunes and re-finds; but it's sometimes important to hold onto all of the bits and scraps.

Don't let the train just circle and circle and vulture to nowhere solely for the fun of it.

Pick a goal. Pick a destination. Then get to that WhenXWhere.

Sign. This is hard... I haven't even begun to get near all the mad-scribbles I drew at the When-point Before This.

Sigh... They ended with this... "THIS IS A WHEN TO WHERE."

The baby-Math--

D id for Death.

Oh No! Sad Face!

D id for Doubt.

Doubt? Huh? Oh! Ok! DIstreacleStraction....

ASK THE RIGHT QUESTION.

Huh? Who? Wha?

Oh, Look! A Ponny Corn... la la la... E is for EAT, yum!

Well. Not just. But also Too.

E = where roads cross into bones and the sh ape of X forms up... 

Sanguine Penguins

a parallell sanguinary eddying stream...

I am Poised. Open. Towed and drawn out...
Not just Blood-thirsty but Steadfast! Cheerful! Hell bent on ballast and SAILS!!

Cheerful and Dying combined together.
Not just a tether to Rage but... Delight.

Pendency poised by the mere whim of a Penquin. 
Not just Sanguineous, but also the SCREAM-SING-SANG out of "Igneous!! Hold Fast to the Rock!"

And Equilibrium held it's breath...

One toe of weight, enough to slew the seas.

Cheerful and Dying combined together.
Not just a tether to Rage but... Delight.

I may be completely MAD, but... Hopefully you See that this is also the Story of: "Amanda is fiercely Loyal to her Friends... even if..."

I may be completely MAD, but...

Hopefully you Will See that this is also the Story of:

"Amanda is fiercely Loyal to her Friends... even if she often forgets them and/or misplaces them for great swathes of Time all together..."

Sheesh, silly-billy-goat-heads! Just because I'm completely MAD doesn't mean I can't Be deliriously HAPPY! YAY!

This is the story of how Amanda Kick-Clocked her Own Self in the Head and KNOCKED the F out of AMANDA.

This song is a lament for all the Holden Caufield's who ever were, for all of the sadness in the world that made those Holden's cry-- when Holden realized he would never be able to erase all of the uglyness, when he wept for his kid-sister. When he wept because he thought he lacked the strength to save her from all of the things she would see written, wrongly, dis-according-ly-clanging the wrong-out-of-alignment-Tune... this is that story too.

This is the story of Dead things crying from the Other Side of Somewhere, calling to be Let Back Through.

The point of this story may not be the same for you and your life and your own compass plot of Time at the Right This Moment... But just in case, WHEEE!

All my crazy and Rolls-of-Coaster are Spooled out To SEE. Should anyone care to Look.

Yay for sounds like-- WHEE!!

Amanda, you did not "WORK" all Night (Note- you DO Believe in the Good of Jobs for Profit and Helping YourSelf... but, sometimes, Friends and/or Baby Peeping sounds are more Pressing in the Currents...).

However, you Fought, Screamed and Clung as Hard as You Possibly could for one of your best-friends, for-one-cute little baby-chick-of-a-42s to HATCH!


So, not sure Why or What or When, but if you could not ignore the feeling, then I'm sure It was CLAMoRing for a good reason. Trust yourself Amanda. Even if this comes back to Rebound Badly upon you... Know that your feelings were Right. Trust the Truth inside of your Own True-Self.

(And Know that The Pearls were not slopped out to the Swine but Safe in the Riddles of Oysters.. to protect the TRUTH of the WHO of... Ryan.)

Ryan, Who? Er, well, Ryan Who may flip the freak out when he sees this... like, a BIG FREAKING PENGUIN FREAK OUT, but know that you can Trust Ryan. His friendship sails True and always comes back, even if Both of you spend much of your Time on Beaches, sniffing suspiciously at the scr-itch of the Sand... Calling you back... out... to brave that Seethe once Again...)

Good job See-Righter! Yay you!! Even if this moment of Clarity falls away again and becomes lost for a Time, even if your sandcastles all slide away into King Haggard's blank eyes, you withstood a crazy surging tIDE and you. did. not. shy. back. from. Unicorns.

And, that is pretty much the first step. Now, hold that pin-wheel-spin-wheel-rocking-ship STEADY you Mad-Captain-Ahab, You. Be Still and FIGHT the current. Keep your Head above Water. Blur those Wings my baby Humming Bird. THRUM-PURR and HOLD FAST TO YOUR POSITIONS!!

(Now might be a Time for a dramatic, bloodcurdling SCREAM of DISSENT!!!! I find it can be quite steadying...)

You need ALL of Them to Row the Boat.
There are no Lone Heros, only lone heroics.

Like Price Lear... this world need some more of those. Blind Love Crazily walking out to face the Sea without the slightest clue of what the heck they are attempting to DO... just... OOOHHH a pretty seashell... Hello?

And also it sometimes needs... I am... SMENDRICK THE MAGICIAN!!! Er.. pay no attention to that guy behind the curtain...

Shhh, do not look over there, shush! <--- And Less of that.

"You are an idiot." said Molly Grue. <--- And more embracing of that.

Alone? Ha! No, no, Alone, no One Will Never make it Across that Way.
Hmm. No One, but possibly... Two?

I don't know. I'm not sure. Maybe Two-Can. Two Lonely Echos Parroting back and forth across the Seas on the Shoulders of Madcap-Captain-Ahab-CATS. But you want ALL those bits and scraps of Time and People. Quick! Stuff them in your pockets! Hide them away for safe keeping! You never know when something like that napkin might be valuable...

(So, even if this fails to get any of the other unicorns out of the Ocean-- reference your childhood life story here kiddo --Last Unicorn Movie-- YOU did not get suck-eth Back IN to be Drowned by the Lying Mermaids!!! --reference your favorite poem, love song, t.s.eliot-- you always change the end bit with the beautiful illusion of the mermaids because you do not want to Drown-all-Drusy-eyed---EVER!!! Recall? No? Well, then go Read Yourself Right- Look and SEE-HER pasted Stuck into the "Seer" story you wrote for yourself to leave yourself behind in the BreadCrumbs.)

Remember, you are "arms outstretched and head thrown back" you are that insanely-laughing-impossibly-abstruse-non-conformist-psycho-groking along, who Recalled that... "RAGE" it is not just for Cereal-killers anymore... --reference how you feel when you sing all the words of the poems RIGHT and attempt to Align them True and find where their Peace-s-in-Space-Fit--

(Now might be a Time for another dramatic, bloodcurdling SCREAM of DISSENT!!!! Since I find it so steadying...)

RAGE!!!RAGE!!!RAGE!!! Against the DYING of the LIGHT!!! FIGHT! FIGHT! THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS THIS IS A WARCRY!!!! KILL!!!!!!!

They are mine. You cannot have them, not Ever. I will not allow it. --reference-- Lord of the Rings... You shall not pass? The gist of along those lines anyway.

MINE! NO! I WILL NOT SHARE EVEN A PIECE!!

-Amanda may Knot-Yet-Know how to Hold On to a Turtle... but that crazy-Cat Can Catch As Catch CAN and GRAB! GRAB! GRAB! Scramble and steal whatever Knowledge you can... And what that girl CAN DO? Well. She can really Hang on to a wing-ing-POP-tart Bouncing Up out of a Toaster, that's What.

NO!! You Shall NOT KILL MY POP-tart into Toast! It is NEVER TIME for TEA!!!

I. DO. NOT. CONSENT.

I. REALLY. LOVE. PIE.



Bring it, you Whale of an Ocean. Held back only by the Blink of the Glassy-Marbled-eye of Haggard?

Sloe the doe eyes unicorn...

Remember those secrets tacked down and away underneath the eyePatch... hidden treasures... that Ahab-cat-pirate's eye patch flipped back to reveal a perfectly good eye underneath...

Recall that you DO walk with Sanguine Penguins Thundering and Happy-Feeting Your Path through this Icy Strait of Dire Way.
(And, I also carry a Vor-Pore-ous Cricket BAT. Grrr!)

Amanda Joy. Me. That was just the Prelude.

...

All-Right? Hmmm one of my most favorite-ist favorite little 42s-In-The-G A P(op!)? Brave, smart, clever, Icky, you have woken the Amanda JOY monster all the way UP Again and so, please, help!!! Yay and No-snides and only winks and happy asides. I DESIRE The Apex to STICK into not just X marks the Lot but X marks the STICK STUCK HERE NOT ONLY I AM BUT HERE I STAY!!! Flag stuck into the Dark-Moon side of Amanda and claiming Her as This exact TILT of looking at Light, FINALLY shake-kicking that meany drag F Away! (And Throw a Toe Line out to Holden.)

(II. Pie piece continued) No more F!!! Yay! But, now we have to go back and save all my friends in books and stories, and help them find their Right-Bays of Tilting and Looking and Landing and... LEAPING to... Hooray! And I really am not sure what "UCK" is exactly... but it must be good. Because, the F was twisting and messing up the YAY of UCK, just like the L messes up the Fly! and makes it Lie Lie Slug-a-bed-Head all day... So... F goes on FLYING! Yay flying and boo lying.

(III. Pie piece continued) And F needs to GET OFF MY SHOE as far as the UCK goes. So, the UCK could be Luck and/or Luckdragons or Lucky-dragons or Lucky-Charms, and so on and so on times infinite twisty-ness-ess... However, I like pondering what just plain "UCK" might be all by itself... I think it kinda sound like a Pre-mordial kind of Pre-Muck. Hmmm. More thinking on UCK! shall be required I can see... Before there was Muck, before there was Dust... there was just.. Uck, Alone lonely unformed Uck? Needing a Chuck-Throw into the void to BANG-BOUNCE the Ball of Uck... past Buck and into several more somethings perhaps and finally getting to Born-Created-Play-Doh'ed into Something Other than "just" UCK?

(IV. Pie piece continued and thoughtfully chewed On) Hmmm....Perhaps. Will depend very much on the Story-Frame we use to ConText it... Not just BE!!! I feel... thought that is obviously super Important... But Tea-Time-Too. Tea Straining.... Straining to SEE!!! And STRAINING SO HARD That T POP-ETH! WHEE!!! FROM it's leash and it's lead... TEATHER and rhyming with Feather and Baby-Teeth while it holds the FLOAT the HOPE and the EEE!!!!! sound all together... (Wry, I really like WHEE better than Free and Free Fall personally...but I can respect your Tom-Petty SONG of Singing it Too.)

No!! I cannot! ACK!! and EVIL!!! and ALAS and A-LACK!!!! (My piece of Pithy-Pie-Truth was EATEN GULPED ERASED by the Raven-ous U-tube...

i WILL Bounce Back... tippy sneak slow... uno mo-men-toe...

(PIE FIVE! YOU CAN'T KILL ME you LIE you poo-poo-bad F-eth-er!! Growly Grrr. Some things were lost... but this arose into the reciPIE this Time around... flexabili-Tea is an important in-greedyAnt in Sugar Coats of InCOGneat-o sneaky-ness... Be Warey, ware-e, ware-e, quiet, we's track-ing Wabbits...) I think that this would be a better story to STICK the Old-Icarus-II, into-Re-d-Fined and Anew... because there is no Swing... only WING.

(oh, but 1st and P.S...)

THE F is a LIE!!!

(Sorry I know I just promised to Be More Patient with the Verse you are on Kiddo, but, but but I could not Hold to my resolve...)

THE F IS A LIE. LIAR LIAR LY-ETH-ER... (I mean, yes, it is ok for some things, yay F in is own way, but THE F IS A LIE about the WAY to fly... or at least, it is a Lie for MY story and MY I... Because I believe My Way is a "W" and the eXact opposite of the sound of my EYE is... just all the eXtra la-la-la-la distraction striped away, TAKE ALL THE LIE OUT of ME and just leave Me with I!

I am enough. I am a wing. I swish-ity Sing! Winging it and making it up as I go... WELL. that is the WAY to WHEE and WING... I am YAYs and W-yous.... (Double Yous = WHEE!!! PIZZA-FUN!!)

(Yes. I Now Recall the Past Before where we spoke of this. And I am sorry I forgot to hold onto all the lick-spit-ICK-CAw-suss-ell-RUSSELL-ING bits flung out into the Foam.... Please Forgive me my Friend. I did not mean to Forget You... Forgive me my Friend.. Know that any Forsaking of you was Unintentional On My Part... Wry? Ryan? Wick? ... (Yes. I Now Recall the Past Before where we spoke of this. And I am sorry I forgot to hold onto all the lick-spit-ICK-CAw-suss-ell-RUSSELL-ING bits flung out into the Foam.... Please Forgive me my Friend. I did not mean to Forget You... Forgive me my Friend.. Know that any Forsaking of you was Unintentional On My Part... Wry? Ryan? Wick?

I Recalled The Time, Wry... I recalled those past emails... where we have already made all of this same cry... and all of these same promises not to get slippery PIE-hands and drop each Other accidently... Something unseen keeps tripping me...

Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918 French Poet, Philosopher

“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We're afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

(Grrr. Thwarted Again... you would really think I would Wise-Up and make Copy, copy, copy, copies plastered EVERYWHERE... Instead of spewing this out all Hap-Haggard.)

(Tyler knows to make copies! Yeah, yeah, I am Jack's complete.)

I can't post the Verse of that Poem, but I know that You KNEW, so Hopefully, you will RECALL it All Again. Sign. This is hard...

Come out of the Mire Already you great stinking LummOX of an ArteX!!! (Yeah, sorry I was slow on that uptake, I just got the "Artex, please! Try for ME!!! that you wanted me to See the You-Me Reflections IN.) Wryan, you know that, quote about please forgive ME because sometimes, When I am in the hEAT of BATTLE CRY, I someTimes FORGET what side I AM ON..?

Well, Yeah. Me too.

So, Sorry if you were burned-in-the-bad-way, like by friendly-flickering-candles of CrossFIRE. Oops. My missed STAKE through the Heart!!! Muah Ha! Gotcha! Er... sorry. Thought I saw a spider... er never-you-mind.

I am determined to be either KEEP-Enough-On-My-Own to Remember You, or SEER who Burn-SEARS the Right-Clock of your Bad Ear, DEEP, via a combo of fearlessness and stubbornness alone. So that at least YOU may be Echoed in among the backlash of the Blind and Mocking. I can take it. I am AWESOME today... Hey! I am apparently also the story of that guy in Gattica who never thought about the Swim Back... putting all his faith in meeting a chance pirating cat.

I think that this (the poem- the Guillaume says come to the edge of the Guilo-teen-slice-death-cut and... WEE! WING! Poem) would be a better story to STICK the Old-Icarus-II, New-Icarus-YOU, into, reshaped and RE-d-Fined , Re and Anew... because there is no Swing... only WING. ICK!!!! Just BE WICK. (drop the -eth and the -ed of the e-nd and Flip Flop YAY YAY YAY PIZZA FUN!!! Trick OUT the Mean-ings. I believe in Ick Sliping through... I believe in You... WICK!!! COME BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!

(BURN like the Other Caged Creature with the Unicorn that was so COLD!!!! That it... well, Burned. The end.)

Seriously, Wick.... Because if you don't Come and ALIGHT!!! Well. Then this is just ME fighting either Alone or Myself Here...

You are one of my 42s in the Synapse-Yawn-Slack-Gaping-Gap. I love my husband, and he is Super Nice and Awesome, but I need ALL of my 42s to ANCHOR me. I need all of you!

(Yes, Even my questionable sister...)

I need all of you to Place-hold MY Space that was MEANT for ME and MINE!

Hi

Hi world. I just checked my email for the first time in awhile. And I saw that I had a happy comment on this bloggy here. And I felt quite cheered.

And I now have fresh resolve to go work on my little teen fiction project-- Alethea as Pie. It is 6 chapters and 10,000 words old so far.

I made the mistake of emailing it to my sister a few weeks ago. She only read the first chapter. Oh. Mmm hmm. It's ok. Why don't you write a fantasy book instead? Fantasy is more interesting. Vampires are so hot right now. You should do that instead. Oh, well, I'm so busy, I'll try to read the rest sometime soon... It's ok. But you should write something with magic or vampires.

Sigh. I am easily discouraged and derailed.

(Plus, I also bought book 12 of the wheel of time series, which neccesitated me re-reading books 1-11, which was another bad time-sucking move on my part. In fact, i am still not done.)

So. Amanda. Pay attention! Please do not forget about poor little Alethea. Find focus! Figure out chapter 7! Help Alethea as Pie to be born. Write the story. Go-go gadget go now.