Raw food. Insomnia. Midgets.

Went to bed between 10-11pm. Woke up at 2am, mid-dream. Not a nightmare. (Dream had arguably scary things, but was just unpleasant, not heart racing terror-nightmare-y.) I was a guy. And I was running from these undead? semi dead? Not sure. Not really goblins. But bits of creatures, like an hand scrabbling toward you on it's own, a flash of shadow from the corner of an eye. Vague and creepy. Not goblins, but they were gobble-y and short. Hungry. They wanted to bite me and crawl inside my flesh and then my brain. I was trying to run away from them, and, conveniently, there was a guy next to me who was trying to run away too. And he was a midget, nice and short and not too far off the ground, but, far enough. So, this made it possible for me to leap up onto his shoulders as we were running away. The bite-y, not-quite-goblins got him in the ankle and were crunching away, but I was out of reach in this sea of shortness.

Also, recall wisps of dream about ex-mother in law and ex-family. Sad face. I'm still dreaming about Mike's family a lot. I have less nightmares, less HIM being mean and around, but not less dreams. I still dream all the sad part of the dreams with his family and missing them.

Anyway. I just started a "hey, let's eat 100% raw food" experiment a couple of days ago.

And when I woke up after only a couple of hours of sleep, I thought, "This is exactly why I do not eat healthy..."

Fasting or not eating much makes my brain race. It's not RACING racing now, but it's skirting the edges.

I don't know... eating crap makes me feel tired and depressed, etc, but I know how to handle being moderately depressed- I just keep sleeping it off. Sleep, sleep, sleep.

I don't know how to handle being more awake, energized, etc. Because it's always fun the first couple of days, but then, it is just a lot of time with no one to play with. And my brain keeps getting more racey, and then I have to make up imaginary friends or something to entertain myself, which doesn't work, because I can't actually delude myself into thinking they are real.



I don't know how to be that kind of sick, it's easier to be the too-tired kind of sick.