a dictionary page, of sorts. because, i do so love the dictionary.

things i often say and what they mean...

there are no cats in america: 1. homesickness, often a juxtaposition of a specific hatred in utah against the way it is better in florida. 2. depression, sadness for the way things are, longing to find that grass that is greener. 3. happy anticipation

for example, if you are coughing and can't breathe, and thinking that the air is hideous and dry and full of pollution, and that you can take lovely deep breaths in florida... well, instead of explaining all that, you might just gesture angrily and huff that there are no cats in america.

or, if you get in an argument and then retreat into yourself, you might notice you are humming that line of song quietly as you stare at nothing.

or, if you are about to go do something fun, or going home for a visit, you might find yourself dancing around, gleefully yelling that there are no cats in america.

i am the dischord in the thrum/i am the thrum in the discord: 1. i feel disconnected, 2. i feel connected when i shouldn't

sometimes i think this when i don't know why i'm angry or upset, or my own actions are confusing me. sometimes i feel arrogant and condescending and mean it like i am too alien for the other person to grasp or they are too small.

a thrum is a droning, monotonous hum. to you, THE Thrum is the sum of all thrum. of life, the universe and everything. the noise and the pulse of it all.

you mean discord as the usual definition, but you also like the idea of a dischord. you think the misspelling puts a discord inside the word as well as emphasizing the definition of a dissonant sound. and it makes you think of string theory, and a musical chord being played wrong.

when you feel like you are a wrong note in the universe, you are a dischord in the thrum.

when you feel either happy, numb, or calm amidst it all, OR if you feel comfort from your rage, OR if violence makes you feel calm, that is all- i am the thrum in the discord.

those 2 took longer to write than i thought... more some other day...


Lake Powell

i am going to Lake Powell for a couple days.

i will be VERY mad if i do not catch any fish.

i want me some fish.


Bromocriptine (generic Parlodel)

i took one teeny little 2.5mg pill last night, and i still feel awful.

shortly after taking:
felt mentally fine, even good. super super short but intense waves of headache pain. like, fine for a few minutes then excruciating pain for 5-10 seconds. mild nausea. dry mouth. then, bad taste in mouth. hands and feet became ice-cold. shivering, teeth chattering. twitching of muscles throughout body. painful burning sensation in legs. and almost like my legs were being chewed by squirmy rats. fire-rats.

no headache or nausea. extreme feeling of weakness. i tried to pick up a SPOON and did a double take, because i was so surprised at how HEAVY it was. odd to feel mentally energized, but physically slow and weak. hands and feet still ice-cold. legs now feel mildly tingling, almost like when a body part is just starting to "fall asleep" but not to the painful all-the-way-asleep yet. legs also been cramping/going numb.

least tolerable in order of suckiness:
#1. the cold
#2. weakness
#3. leg burning/numb