the curious incident of the dog in the night-time

i read it last night. i thought it was supposed to be about a kid with Asperger's, because that's what it said on the back of the audiobook. (i got the audiobook first, for Garret.) the hardcopy was checked out at the library then. but the book-book doesn't say Asperger's on the jacket description, just autism.

either way, it was a pretty good book.

i decided i don't like the audiobook version though. i listened to the first bit of that, because Garret said, "You have to listen to this."

So I did.

the guy who reads the audiobook goes too slow and thoughtful. the book-book was MUCH better. and it had excellent diagrams and footnotes. the syntax was flesh and not choke, and it raced into my head very nice, so that was the part i liked best.

but i feel a little unresolved about Wellington-the-Dog getting stabbed with a garden fork. i guess that's why the author made him a poodle, so i wouldn't have to be too distressed about it. because no one likes poodles.

Fear. Anger. Quitting.

My heart is racing, I'm shaking & dizzy. It's like a weird, in-between panic attack. I'm not gasping for air or having chest pains like a full-blown panic attack-- just shaking, shaking.

I'm afraid 100% of the time, and since I hate that, I end up angry 100% of the time, since anger is slightly better.

Online people ought to be safer. They aren't as real. They're nicely two-dimensional. I get just as angry and afraid from online confrontation though.

Garret always asks me just what exactly it is that I think people are going to do... I don't know.

I just hate this sick, awful feeling. And I can't stand very much of it. So I quit most things. Because most things deal with people. And people cause it.

I am often afraid that I'm going to be a serial killer. When I think about people dying and screaming, I feel calmer. Soothed. It makes me laugh. Makes the anger and the panic stop.