SEER (ponies)

The 1st journal, the one Mommy started for you, you write in sometimes, when you are 6-8 years old. Some pages you tear up later, like that one about the worst day of your life, and also ones that sound really silly and dumb, like about what boys you are in love with. But some of the pages are left, and here is a copy of one of the last entries...

So, as you can see, you were very into ponies.
So, 5-8yr old Amanda Joy... I want you to know that I am so sorry if there is no pony in your story...
Someday, there will be ponies.
But, if today is not then yet...
I want you to know, that I feel VERY sorry that you have no pony.
I also feel VERY, VERY sorry, if you also at this point, are starting to feel panic because there are also no ponies even close.
And, this time when your parents were telling you to stop asking for a pony, you realized they might not just mean NO, you can’t have a pony today, but NO, you can not ever, ever have a pony ever, until you have earned a million dollars and can go buy yourself a pony with your own money.
And you feel very afraid that they might really mean it.
DON’T WORRY! I know there will be a pony before this story is over… but I also know that it is very hard to feel hopeful about that right now when all the joy has just been crushed out of you.
Which, just proves how much you could really use that pony right now.
I know that you have been trying to get that pony for awhile, and if you have read a very excellent poem by a Mr. Shel Silverstein, about why parents need to give their children ponies, you may be feeling pretty betrayed by Mr. Silverstein right now.
(poem excerpt)
"Be quiet and stop nagging--You're not getting that pony."
And Abigail began to cry and said,"If I don't get that pony I'll die."
And her parents said, "You won't die.No child ever died yet from not getting a pony."
And Abigail felt so bad
That when she got home she went to bed,
And she couldn't eat,
And she couldn't sleep,
And her heart was broken,
And she DID die--
All because of a pony
That her parents wouldn't buy.
Because, you really thought he understood you, but if your parents will not listen to the poem, it does not matter that the poem perfectly explains your feelings about how you know you might die if you do not get a pony.
Because, your parents do not seem to care if you die, as long as you stop being melodramatic and learn that you can’t always have what you want when you want it.
Which, you already understand perfectly, because THAT just says you can’t have a pony now, but in a different way, and you ARE ALREADY AWARE OF THAT PART!
You did not just suddenly realize the pony was missing from this picture.
You would have no reason to question a pony that you had always had. And, if you already HAD the PONY, and would have no reason to OBTAIN said pony, and you already know the part about how you don’t have a pony right now.
And you are trying to learn HOW to get a pony TODAY and not in a million or 17 years because that is really far away, and you already know that waiting makes the reward better, but that is still a very long time to wait, and can’t you just have a very small pony that does not eat much, but could still poop a lot, and you could sell the poop because people put animal poop on their yards, but not dogs, just certain kinds, like hopefully ponies, but you are not sure because no one will answer that part for you right now!
And, so maybe the poem did not mean to be helpful either, because it certainly did not help you, so that was kind of mean, if the poem was just making fun of you, and maybe this Silverstein guy is really not on your side at all, and he was trying to gain your trust just so he could try to trick you into thinking that the pony is not really important because, well, I‘m not really sure why he would do that yet...
But, it seems like if he really wanted to help you, it would have been much more useful if he could have told you how to get your parents to listen to you better, because they could really use some work on that, because they keep saying things that have nothing to do with the subject, and you would really like to know how to help them with that, because you want the other parents to like them, so it would be really useful if you knew how to teach them better, because you are concerned that they do not see basic things...
like, if you had a million dollars already, you would already be smart enough to figure out how to get that pony yourself.
but you have no million dollars, and trying to think of how to get a million dollars, is just the same kind of question as how to get a pony.
so that answer just goes around in a circle, and does not give you any helpful info on how to escape the circle. Also, it would be good if your parents would get that you cannot stop being melodramatic, because that means you are a faker, and you are not faking, you are serious, so why do they keep telling you to stop something that you are not doing in the first place?
and, maybe you need to stop for a minute and think about all this, because this no pony situation might be serious and you need to think what you can try next to get your parents to understand the importance of a pony, like if this is a time for sneaky-ness, you need to think more about that part, because you will have to make sure sneaky-ness is ok to try, and I think it is, because it’s manipulative that you have to watch out for, which also means you are trying to get what you want out of people, but that way is the bad kind, but sneaky is ok sometimes if you are doing it for the person’s own good, and it is definitely in the best interest of your parents to hurry up and get you a pony because that would make you happy and they say they just want you to be happy and go away now, and that would accomplish both of those things exactly, and then everyone would be happy, even the pony.
Sweetie, i know EXACTLY how you feel.
and, 25yr old Amanda Joy? if you are still feeling sad and pony-less, i promise someday we are going to find that pony.
in fact, your pony is just around the corner!
(her name is Sagira and she turned out to be a Sphynx.)

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