Today you realize you don’t know any other ME’s… besides ME and FREEDMAN. And Freedman will not abandon you—so what or who do you have to lose by radically changing how you act??
Today a boy got on your bus and he is tall and cute and the-end of the story.
Today he is Chris Palmer, and he is still tall and cute, but he has made fun of you once or twice and hurt your feelings.
Today is more of the same, and so, since Chris Palmer, ALREADY dislikes you; you decide to see if you can, in fact, change the world.
And you decide to start your experiment with this very small piece of the world that has high school and Chris Palmer in it. And you decide that perhaps, the first trick might be to let the craziness in your head peek out MORE, because that is where all the fun is hiding. And so, you decide to think like a stalker and figure out where Chris is all day, because right now you have only noticed that one hour of his day.
Today you almost quit because you feel stupid… but you are very bored… so… you tell yourself sternly that it is perfectly ok to be a stalker, because you are trying an experiment and it is scientific, and anyway, you are not a BAD-stalker because you are not going to kill anyone or watch them undress—you are just stalking during SCHOOL HOURS ONLY, and you are keeping yourself entertained and out of trouble and stuff, and that is very important.
And plus, it is very FUN.
Today is thinking. And it is a very long day.
And you realize that you DO really just want Chris to be happy. And you mean it. And you THOUGHT that you wanted that all along… but maybe you were looking at him too much like a lab rat or a guinea pig.
In the beginning, you weren’t trying to HURT him, but you did not have his best interests at the top of the list, just… sort of near the top. But all that stalking really paid off, because it made you SEE Chris. And even though you do not SEE all of him clear, you DO know a little bit, because you are SURE you SEE the ME-part of Chris peeking out from inside. And now the plan has changed.
Yesterday, you wondered if you could change the world. And you asked God for some help about Chris.
You explained that you did not want God to make him fall in love with you or do anything drastic so you could suck him into an evil plan or anything BAD.
You would just rather try the experiment out on a cute boy instead of an ugly girl—because it is easier to stay focused on a cute boy.
But you will try to remember the ugly girls next. And, they will be happier and less depressed about being ugly if you can introduce them to interesting guys, so it really would be better to try and get Chris on your side first.
But also, you are not OPPOSED to kissing or whatever if it should come up in the future. Just that, it is not your primary goal.
And sad, misfit people are too easy to befriend, so you would really like a good challenge, such as a cute, tall, popular guy. Because outcasts and losers are too close to being ME’s already. So, can’t God help you think of a plan, and can’t he help Chris to notice you a LITTLE?
But now the plan has changed. Because you can see him in there. And now you just want him to GET OUT!
Because you see him enough to love him a little bit, enough to care about him more than your game.
So, today, you pray FOR REAL. Just for Chris and not you at all, and you just ask God to make sure he is happy and becomes himself. And you ask if you can help. And you feel very calm. And you know for sure that something will happen tomorrow, and you tell God to help you say something good and not stupid.
And the next morning, you go to school, and suddenly, in 2nd hour Debate class, you feel like, kNOW it is TIME and you need to GO NOW! And you jump up and ask for a hall pass, and as soon as the door shuts behind you, you start running as fast as you can.
Today you ask to have a hall pass, but you don’t want to lie, so you say you are going to the bathroom, and so you tag the bathroom as you run by, so that it is not really a lie, but you only have a few minutes so you can’t actually waste time by going all the way inside.
And today is running, running, running.
And today is reaching the second floor of the school, and jumping up onto a bench.
And today is being thankful for the floor being completely empty, and also for the 30 seconds you get to catch your breath and compose yourself before a door opens and Chris walks in on you.
And you almost scream with delight, but you SMASH that joy down, just a little, because you need to be able to speak—and so it was very good that you saw him first and turned your face away, but kept your arms up like a plane, and now he has come to a dead stop in front of your bench.
And you DROP your expression, and TRY to appear calm-wide-eyed-thoughtful-dreamy-spacey- or whatever. And the 1st thing Chris says is, “How long have you been up there?”
And you HAVE to grin, you just can’t help it, because that is SO funny and you want to put your hands on your hips and yell, “AT LEAST TWO WHOLE WEEKS AND WHAT THE HECK TOOK YOU SO LONG TO PAY ATTENTION!!??”
… but of course you can not scream that in his face because that would be very counter-productive, and just scare him away, but you can’t contain the GRIN, and so you TRY to pay attention to the question and not laugh.
And you SEE that he just means how long have you been standing up on the bench, because you were walking in a circle on the bench with your arms open wide.
And you SEE that if you answer, “20 seconds,” he could get scared that you might have just run all the way there to meet him, which you DID, but if you even calmly say you were waiting for him, that could give much too flirty of an impression as well… and you realize you better say something quick or he will lose interest.
So you simply shrug. And smile. And say, “Because I am a plane.”
And Chris asks another question. And the question is, “Why are you a plane?”
And you SEE that THAT is the EXACT right next-question to KNOW!! Because you KNOW instantly and without thought to respond with, “Because I can fly!”
Chris: “Um… why can you fly?”
Amanda: I was born that way. I don’t know. But I KNOW I can fly. And planes fly. So, since I can fly, I must be a plane.
Chris: But why a plane?
Amanda(keeps walking in a circle): That’s just what I AM… I am a PLANE… I FLY… SEE?
Chris: But why are you a plane right here?
Amanda: I just am. Why, what’s wrong with here?
Chris: Well, why aren’t you in the AIR or something, if you are a PLANE?
Amanda: You mean, like, why don’t I take a bunch of people to Arizona or ship bananas or something?
Chris: Um… yeah. Why don’t you do that?
Amanda: Well. Because I am talking to you right now… I can ship bananas later.
Chris: But why do you want to talk to me right now?
Amanda: Well… don’t you consider yourself more interesting than a banana? I don’t know. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you are just a banana and I am just crazy. But even though I am crazy, I am also a plane, and so I feel confident that you must have a lot of potential as well, and so you must be higher up on the food chain too… because you DID start talking to ME, so there’s hope for you... so… do you want to be a plane too?
Chris: (laughs) Wow… that kind of made sense in a crazy way… sure. I guess so.
Amanda: Then just step up here, onto the bench, or onto that bench there, and you can be a plane too!
Chris: Um… I can’t . I’ve been out of class too long already. HEY! Why aren’t YOU in class??
Amanda(shrugs): I am being a plane instead.
Chris: Oh. Well, ok. Goodbye.
Amanda: Goodbye! (and you do let this smile have a little bit of flirt in it)
And Chris has made an excellent point about the time, and you DO need to be back in class. But the worry does not bother you yet because you are so excited about how well that conversation went, because WOW! That was a LOT of days packed into 5 minutes or however long it was…
And for RIGHT kNOW still, Chris is still the most important thing, and so you do not jump down and run back to class yet because you want to maintain the intrigue you have just built up, so you keep walking in a slow circle with your arms out, until you are SURE he is gone, and THEN you jump down and run as fast as you can back to class, and you HOPE he wonders how long you stayed up there after he left.